The First Meeting Alteration
by JBean210
Summary: The pilot episode retold with the alteration that Penny and Leonard first meet without Sheldon present.
1. Chapter 1

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**The First Meeting Alteration**

Chapter One

First Published 1/16/2015

-=o=-

A retelling of the pilot episode, with the alternate premise that Leonard first meets Penny without Sheldon present.

-=o=-

After the debacle at the sperm bank, Leonard and Sheldon stopped off at the House of Tandoori for some Indian food, although technically only Leonard actually went into the restaurant, then returned to their apartment building at 2311 North Los Robles for lunch and a much-needed respite from work, where they had both been working non-stop since early Friday morning, after Sheldon finished his morning bowel movement.

"Are you still mad about the sperm bank?" Sheldon asked as they walked up the stairs to 4A, their apartment.

Leonard was, a little, but there was no point in starting an argument about it—he should have known Sheldon couldn't handle a trip to a sperm bank!—but he simply said, "No," hoping that would end the conversation.

It didn't. "You want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?" Sheldon asked next.

"Not really," Leonard said, knowing it was a futile comment.

"If the height of a single step is off by as much as two millimeters, most people will trip," Sheldon declared.

Leonard looked at him. "I don't _care_," he said, trying to emphasize his disinterest. But a few steps later—"_Two millimenters_? That doesn't sound right!"

"Well, it's true," Sheldon said enthusiastically. "I did a series of experiments when I was twelve—my father broke his clavicle."

Ouch. His poor father. "Is that why they sent you to boarding school?" Leonard asked.

"No," Sheldon shook his head. "That was the result of my work with lasers."

Starting up the landing toward the fourth floor, Leonard stepped on his shoelace. "Hang on," he said, putting down the bag of food and stopping to retie his sneaker.

Sheldon continued walking up the stairs. "Hurry up," he said. "We're going to start watching season two of _Battlestar Galactica_!"

"We already watched the season two DVDs," Leonard said, trying to hurry up but getting the knot wrong because he was looking up at Sheldon.

"Not with commentary," Sheldon said. He went straight to the door of 4A, quickly unlocked it and stepped inside. "I'll get the first disc queued up," he said from inside the door. "Try not to trip over your shoelaces again on the way up."

Leonard sighed, finished tying his laces, then trudged to the top of the stairs, staring at the closed door with some irritation. He wished for once Sheldon would have a little consideration for him when he had something he needed to take care of. Sheldon had wanted the extra money the sperm bank would have provided him, and the idea of jerking off for money sort of appealed to Leonard, given that he'd done it quite a few times for free already. But once the reality confronted him, he'd chickened out.

The sound of music from across the hall attracted his attention. Looking over, he saw the door to 4B was open, and a very attractive blonde was standing in the apartment looking at some stuff piled on a table. The black guy who'd been living there had moved out at the beginning of the month; this girl must have moved in while they were working all day and night on Friday.

Normally, Leonard had some difficulty talking to women, especially initiating conversations, and even more especially with very attractive women. But there was something about this one… Leonard found his feet moving toward 4B almost without conscious intent. She was dressed in a light blue blouse, blue jean shorts, and a pair of light brown boots. Or tan, perhaps, or beige. Leonard wasn't entirely sure. Also, the blue blouse might have been cyan, he wasn't sure of that, either.

He was almost in her doorway before he realized he should introduce himself. What should he say? For a moment Leonard panicked as he realized he wasn't prepared to talk to her! He had no suggestion cards for beginning a conversation, nothing! He took a step back, wondering if he should turn and bolt for his apartment before she saw him—it would certainly solve the conversation problem!

She turned and looked at him, smiling. Leonard froze. She'd seen him! What should he do? Turning and bolting was still an option…

"Oh, hi," the girl said, still smiling.

_ I have to say something I have to say something I have to say something— _"Hi," Leonard said, amazed at his own bravery. "Hi," he said again, thinking if saying it once was good, twice was better.

"Hi," the girl said again.

"Hi," Leonard responded automatically. While he was pleased to be talking to her, repeating the word "hi" was not moving the conversation along. And Leonard did want to get it moving!

"Sorry," he said, stepping closer. "I don't mean to interrupt. I live across the hall. With my roommate, Sheldon," he added, almost compulsively.

"Oh," the girl said. "That's nice…" There was something about how she said that—had she gotten the wrong impression about him and Sheldon? He sure didn't want _that_!

"Um, what I mean is," Leonard went on, "is that we live together in the apartment, but we don't _live together_, per se—that is, we each have separate, heterosexual bedrooms." _That sounded stupid_! he berated himself _Why did you say that_?!

But the girl seemed not to notice. "Oh, okay," she said. She clicked off her radio and came closer to the doorway. She was wearing perfume and Leonard could smell its wonderful fragrance on her. "Well, I guess I'm your new neighbor, Penny."

"Leonard," Leonard said. He started to put out his hand to shake, but she didn't reciprocate and Leonard quickly changed the gesture to touching his own chest, as if that was what he'd intended to do, to point to himself. Flustered, he again went with "Hi."

"Hi," Penny said as well, smiling brightly.

She didn't say anything else, and Leonard wondered what the protocol should be for welcoming a new neighbor. "Oh, um, well… welcome to the building," he finally stated, trying to sound warm and gracious.

"Oh, thank you," she replied, equally gracious. "Maybe we can have coffee sometime."

"Oh, great!" Leonard said, surprised. This girl had just met him and already she'd asked him to have coffee! Wolowitz and Koothrappali would never believe this! _Sheldon_ would never believe this!

"Great!" the girl agreed, still smiling. That was a good sign, Leonard hoped. That, and she hadn't slammed the door in his face yet.

He needed to beat a hasty and strategic retreat while things were still great. "Well, um, bye," he said, not moving.

"Bye," she said, closing the door.

"Bye," Leonard said one more time as the door closed. Oh, shoot! Now that the door was closed, he realized he'd been standing there with a bag of food in his hand! He should have invited her for lunch!

Leonard turned and looked at 4A, imagining what the conversation was going to be like if he showed up in their apartment with a strange girl in tow. Not that she was _strange_ per se, but you had to _ease_ Sheldon into meeting people. He sometimes got spooked if they came up on him too suddenly… There was also going to be inevitable complaining about splitting two meals three ways. It really was going to be quite an ordeal…

Leonard looked back at 4B. Well, maybe this time it was worth it, he decided. He knocked on the door again. When Penny opened the door he said, "Hi. Again."

"Hi," Penny said, with that wonderful smile still on her face.

"Hi," he said again.

"Hi!" she said, making it clear that was the last one she was going to say. She was looking at Leonard expectantly.

Leonard got the message. "Anyway, we, um, brought home Indian food." He held up the bag to emphasize the point. Now how to get the idea of lunch across to her? "I know moving can be stressful," he improvised. "And I know that when I'm under stress—" _like now_ "—I find that good food and company can have a comforting effect." Penny smiled but didn't say anything.

What else could he say to get across the idea of lunch? Oh, yeah— "Also, curry is a natural laxative, and I don't have tell you, a clean colon is—just one less thing to worry about!"

She was giving him a curious look. What had he done? Oh, of course! He should not be talking about clean colons at a time like this! Idiot!

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I-I-I shouldn't be making references to—um, things like that—uh, in the context of eating lunch."

"Oh," Penny suddenly looked surprised. "Are you inviting me to eat with you?" She looked delighted. "That's so _nice_! I'd love to."

"Great," Leonard said, watching as she closed the door of 4B and started toward 4A. "Um, Penny—?"

Penny turned to look at him. "Yes?"

"There's a—few things—you should know before you come into our apartment," Leonard said carefully, getting between her and the door. "The first thing you should know is… well, Sheldon."

"Sheldon?" Penny repeated, curiously. "That's your roommate, right?"

"Right," Leonard nodded.

"Okay," Penny said, bouncing happily with anticipation. "What about him?"

"He's—" There were so many words running through Leonard's mind at the moment. Interesting? Unusual? Unique? Strange? Weird? Crazy? Completely insane? Which one should he use?

"He's a bit shy," Leonard decided to go with a Sheldon classic. "He needs to get to know someone before he's comfortable around them."

"Well, I'm pretty easy to get along with," Penny said, smiling broadly. "Look at how quickly you and I got along!"

"Well, yeah…" Leonard agreed. "But I'm a little more, um, normal than Sheldon is."

"Normal? Come on, he's can't be that bad, can he? What's he going to do if I come over, run and hide?"

"I wouldn't discount it," Leonard muttered. "But we'll see," he went on, gamely. He turned toward the door but stopped and turned back. "Oh, just one more thing," he told her.

"What's that?" Penny asked, by now intrigued with her new neighbor and his mystery roommate.

"There's this certain spot on the couch…"


	2. Chapter 2

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**Chapter Two**

First updated 1/18/2015

-=o=-

**A/N: Some reviewers for Chapter 1 asked if this story was going to be continued. At first I thought not much would change after Leonard and Penny's initial meeting, but I decided that there might be subtle differences as Penny met first Sheldon, then Howard and Raj. So here goes:**

-=o=-

Leonard slowly opened the door of apartment 4A, the apartment he shared with Sheldon Cooper. He stepped inside, followed closely by their new neighbor, Penny, who looked around the apartment in wonderment. There wasn't a lot in the way of furniture—a leather couch in the middle of the room, with a small table at one end and a plush chair next to it, forming an L-shaped seating arrangement. Opposite the couch on the other side of the coffee table was a smaller armchair that resembled a director's chair. There were a couple of whiteboards filled with strange-looking equations and numbers; Penny had no idea what any of it meant. At the far end of the apartment was the kitchen, looking much as hers did, including the tacky orange-colored barstools. There were also two desks, both loaded with computer-type equipment, bracketing a television set on a stand with a DVD player sitting on one of the shelves beneath it.

But along the walls—! There were shelves along almost every wall, and almost every shelf was jam-packed with books! More books than Penny had ever seen in her life, it seemed. One bookcase had something other than books in it, though what those things were, Penny had no clue. There was some kind of statue, too, that looked like it had been made of bubble-gum balls and a Tinker-Toy set.

In front of the television set was the mystery man himself, Leonard's roommate, Sheldon. "I hope you haven't let the chicken vindaloo get too cold," Sheldon said without turning around. "It doesn't heat up very well."

"Don't worry," Leonard said. "I have a feeling things are about to heat up on their own in a minute."

"What does that mean—?" Sheldon turned, saw Penny standing next to Leonard, and flinched.

"Hi!" Penny said cheerfully, giving Sheldon a little wave.

Sheldon regarded her as if a Cylon from _Battlestar Galactica_ had just jumped out of the television screen at him. "Leonard, who is this?" he asked warily, looking as if he might turn and run from the room, as Leonard predicted.

"I'm your new neighbor, Penny," Penny said, stepping forward and holding out her hand to shake. Sheldon clasped his hands together and took a step back. "What's wrong?" Penny asked, looking confused. Most guys jumped at the chance to shake her hand! Then she remembered what Leonard had said. "Oh, are you shy?" she asked, teasingly.

"Sheldon doesn't like to shake hands," Leonard explained. At the same moment he was thinking, _why didn't she shake _my_ hand earlier_? _What's wrong with my hands_? "He has sort of a phobia about germs."

"It's _not_ a phobia," Sheldon insisted. "It is a well-founded health risk, based on extensive research into germ transmission caused by casual physical contact. If you realized all of the germs that are present on your hands alone, you would spend most of the day washing yourself."

"Oh, I know about all that," Penny said. "I work at the Cheesecake Factory as a waitress, so I have to keep my hands super clean."

Leonard, who was putting out the containers of food on the coffee table, looked up at that. "That's interesting," he said. "I love cheesecake!"

Sheldon looked over at him, frowning. "You're lactose intolerant."

"I don't eat it," Leonard snapped. "I just think it's a good idea!" He set the empty bag out of the way. "Lunch is ready," he announced.

Penny walked over to the couch, regarding it carefully. "Let's see," she said, looking at both ends. "Which spot on the couch is yours, Sheldon?" When Sheldon looked at her in surprise, she smiled and added. "No, don't tell me! Let me guess…" She pointed at the right side. "Is this your spot?"

Sheldon stared at her. "How did you know that was my spot?" He spun toward Leonard. "Why did you tell her about my spot?!"

"He didn't tell me where it was," Penny said, a bit wide-eyed at Sheldon's reaction. "I could tell—there was a small indentation where you sit."

"How do you know that was from _my_ sitting there?" Sheldon asked, archly. "It could have been Leonard's butt that made that indentation."

"Doesn't Leonard sit there?" Penny pointed at the plush chair beside the couch.

That surprised Leonard. He hadn't told her where he normally sat. "How do you know I sit in that chair?" he asked.

Penny looked at him, smiling. "Well, because neither of the other cushions on the couch have an indentation in them, so nobody sits on them regularly. And when you were setting the food out, you stood in front of that chair."

Sheldon and Leonard looked at each other. Sheldon mouthed, _Who is this person_? Leonard made a _be quiet!_ gesture. Penny studying the food containers, missed this exchange. "Are we ready to eat?" Penny asked.

"Yes, let's eat," Leonard said, relieved she wasn't running screaming from the room after Sheldon's antics. Penny sat down in the middle of the couch, while Leonard sat in the plush chair. Sheldon sat down in his spot, watching Penny carefully from the corner of his eye.

Penny reached for her container of chicken vindaloo, and Leonard picked up his at the same moment. Sheldon, watching both of them, waited until their hands were clear of the coffee table then carefully picked his up and began slowly peeling back the aluminum cover. Penny, meanwhile, had pulled hers off and tossed it casually into the empty bag on the floor next to Leonard's chair. Leonard followed suit, smiling to himself happily now that she was eating with them.

"Well, this is nice," Leonard said happily, watching Penny dig into her chicken. "We don't have a lot of company over," he told Penny.

"That's not true," Sheldon disagreed, straightening the aluminum cover he'd just removed. "Koothrappali and Wolowitz come over all the time."

"Yes, I know," Leonard muttered, wishing Sheldon wouldn't contradict him in front of Penny.

"Tuesday night we played Klingon Boggle until one in the morning," Sheldon continued.

"Yeah, I remember," Leonard told him. _Please shut up now_, he added silently.

"I resent you saying we don't have company," Sheldon complained.

"I'm sorry," Leonard said automatically, it being his go-to phrase when dealing with Sheldon's idiosyncrasies.

"It has negative social implications," Sheldon went on. He glanced at Penny. "We have company right _now_, though I wish I'd had a little more advance warning."

"I said I'm sorry!" Leonard nearly shouted. Penny had been looking back and forth at the two of them at this exchange. _If Sheldon's made her afraid of us I'm going to_— Leonard left the rest of that threat unspoken in his head. He really didn't know what he'd do, and he really didn't want to think about Penny being afraid of them. Or him.

Penny was looking at him curiously. "So—Klingon Boggle?" she asked.

"Yeah," Leonard said slowly, wishing she hadn't asked. "It's like regular Boggle, but in Klingon."

She smiled at him, which somehow made Leonard both happy and more uncomfortable. "That's probably enough about us," he said. "So tell us about you."

Penny set her chicken on the coffee table, looking thoughtful. "Well, let's see… I work at the Cheesecake Factory as a waitress."

"You already told us that," Sheldon muttered.

She gave him an even look, still smiling. "So I did. Hm, so what else? Well, I'm a Sagittarius." She looked at Leonard. "I suppose that tells you way too much about me already," she teased.

"Well, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily-defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality."

Penny stared at him like he'd suddenly grown another head. "Participate in the what?" she asked. Nothing Sheldon had just said had made any sense to her.

In his chair Leonard was silently groaning. _Right, go ahead and insult our guest's beliefs, Sheldon!_ he silently shouted at his roommate. Not that he believed in astrology, either, but he wasn't going to say that in front of her! Damage control time. "I think what Sheldon's trying to say," Leonard said quickly, "is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been our first guess."

"Oh, I know," Penny nodded knowingly. "People think I'm a water sign."

Sheldon was staring at Leonard. _Do you hear this?_ his eyes seemed to say. Leonard shook his head, making a cutting gesture intending to keep him silent; miraculously, it worked.

"Let's see, what else?" Penny murmured. "Oh, I'm also writing a screenplay!" she told them, proudly. "It's about this sensitive girl who comes to L.A. from Lincoln, Nebraska to be an actress, and winds up a waitress at the Cheesecake Factory."

Leonard leaned toward her, truly interested. "Oh, so it's based on you, then," he said.

"Oh, no," Penny shook her head. "I'm from Omaha."

"Ah, I see," Leonard nodded agreement. "Well, if that was a movie I would go see it!"

Penny beamed proudly. "I know, right!" she said. She sat back on the couch. "Let's see, what else…? Well, I'm a vegetarian. Except for fish. And an occasional steak. I _love_ steak!"

"Interesting," Sheldon said. "Leonard can't process—"

"That's enough, Sheldon!" Leonard cut him off. Sheldon looked miffed at being interrupted but said nothing.

After a few seconds of thinking Penny shrugged. "I guess that's it," she said. "That's the story of Penny." She fell silent, brushing back her hair. For a moment she appeared about to say something else, but she didn't. In fact, her whole demeanor was changing as Leonard watched. She was withdrawing from them! he thought, panicked. What did they do wrong?!

"Well," she said, getting up. "Thank you both for lunch. I ought to be getting back to my apartment. My shower isn't working and I have to call the building manager and let him know. I hope he can get it working soon."

"Our shower works," Leonard blurted without thinking. Sheldon looked at him in alarm.

"Really?" Penny said, looking hopeful again. "Would it be totally weird if I used it?"

"Yes!" Sheldon said, looking horrified at the thought of a strange woman in his shower.

Leonard spun on him. "No!" he said sharply.

"No?" Sheldon repeated, surprised. Something very weird was going on here, but exactly what it was he hadn't quite figured out.

"No," Leonard said, firmly this time. He pointed. "It's right down the hall," he said.

Penny looked immensely grateful. "Thanks. You guys are really sweet," she said, looking at both of them. She walked down the hall into the bathroom and closed the door.

By now Sheldon had figured out what was so weird about this situation. "Well, _this_ is an interesting development," he said, putting down his nearly-empty container and getting up to get something for them to drink, two bottles of orange soda.

Leonard didn't like the way he'd said that. "How so?" he asked, cautiously.

"Firstly, it has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off in our apartment," Sheldon pointed out, getting the bottles out of the refrigerator.

"That's not true," Leonard said, always eager to point out when Sheldon made a mistake. "Remember at Thanksgiving, my grandmother with Alzheimer's had that episode…"

"Point taken," Sheldon admitted. He restated his assertion. "It has been some time since we've had a woman take her clothes off, after which we didn't want to rip our eyes out."

"The worst part was watching her carve that turkey," Leonard remembered.

Sheldon retrieved a bottle opener from a kitchen drawer. "So, what exactly are you trying to accomplish here?" he asked Leonard; though the answer seemed obvious to him now, he wanted to make sure Leonard understood his own carnal impulses as well as he did.

Leonard didn't like the way he'd said that. "Excuse me?"

_Well, he's going to make me say it_, Sheldon sighed to himself. "That woman in there is not going to have sex with you," he told Leonard, opening the first bottle of orange soda.

"Well, I'm not _trying_ to have sex with her," Leonard demurred.

"Oh, good," Sheldon said, relieved. "Then you won't be disappointed." He threw the first bottle cap into the trash.

"What makes you think she _wouldn't_ have sex with me?" Leonard inquired, a little irritated with Sheldon's implication that it could never happen. "I'm a male and she's a female," he pointed out.

"Yes, but not of the same species," Sheldon said, opening the second bottle and throwing the cap into the trash.

"I'm not going to engage in hypotheticals here," Leonard said, grabbing one of the bottles and walking over to lean against the hallway column. "I'm just trying to be a good neighbor."

"Oh, of course," Sheldon retorted, returning to his spot on the couch. To Leonard's ear, it sounded like a rare instance of Sheldon being sarcastic. Sheldon did not always grasp sarcasm, especially the way Leonard employed it.

"That's not to say if a carnal relationship _were_ to develop, that I wouldn't participate," Leonard suggested, with a little hopeful optimism. Then, remembering how most of his sexual relationships had gone in the past, he muttered, "However briefly…"

Sheldon picked up the container with his last few bites of chicken vindaloo. "Do you think this possibility will be helped or hindered when she discovers your Luke Skywalker No More Tears shampoo?"

"It's Darth Vader shampoo," Leonard corrected him. There was a knock on the door. "Luke Skywalker's the conditioner."

Leonard opened the apartment door, finding Howard Wolowitz and Rajesh Koothrappali on the other side. Howard was holding a jewel case with a DVD in it.

"Wait'll you see this," he said, walking past Leonard into the room.

"It's fantastic—unbelievable!" Raj said, making double thumbs-up. For some reason he was wearing a red ball cap with "42" on it. _Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?_ Leonard wondered. Howard was making a beeline toward the TV, while Raj was headed for the kitchen.

"See _what_?" Leonard asked, annoyed. He did _not_ need these guys barging in here right now!

Howard popped the DVD Sheldon had queued up out of the player and stuck his disc in. "It's a Stephen Hawking lecture from M.I.T. in 1974," he announced.

"This isn't a good time," Leonard tried to insist, wanting them gone. He didn't need Howard trying to put the moves on Penny before he even got a chance to talk to her again alone!

"It's before he became a creepy computer voice," Howard said, mimicking Hawking's current computer-generated speech.

"That's great," Leonard said, with no enthusiasm. "You guys have to go."

"Why?" Raj asked, taking a bottle of water Sheldon offered him.

"It's just not a good time…" Leonard replied, being deliberately vague.

"Leonard has a lady over," Sheldon announced. Leonard winced. No chance of getting these guys out of here now! At least he didn't have to worry about Raj hitting on her. Howard, however was a different problem entirely.

"Yeah, right," Howard said skeptically, using the DVD remote to start the player. "Your grandmother back in town?"

"No," Leonard retorted defensively. Even though he didn't want them here, he was still pretty smug about having a girl in his apartment. In his shower. Probably naked by now… "And she's not a lady, she's just a new neighbor."

Howard looked at Leonard with sudden interest. "Hang on—there really is a lady here?" He stood, looking around the apartment, the DVD forgotten.

"Uh-huh," Leonard said, with some smugness leaking in his tone.

"And you want us out," Howard continued, "because you're anticipating coitus?"

There it was. "I'm not anticipating coitus," Leonard said, annoyed.

"So she's available for coitus?" Howard asked, very interested now.

"Can we _please_ just stop saying 'coitus'?" Leonard snapped.

Sheldon looked at Raj. "Technically, that would be _coitus interruptus_," he commented, making a minor but obvious joke. Raj nodded, though he didn't quite get the joke.

The bathroom door opened at that moment and Penny came out, wearing nothing but a blue bath towel. Sheldon, embarrassed, averted his eyes. Howard and Raj stared at her, open-mouthed. Leonard's look was more reserved, though he was surprised she just walked into the room like that, even if she only expected him and Sheldon to be there. She was a _lot_ more outgoing than Leonard was.

"Hey," she was saying, "is there a trick to getting it to switch from tub to shower?" She stopped at the end of the hallway, realizing that people other than Leonard and Sheldon were in the apartment. "Oh—hi, sorry," she said, looking surprised but not embarrassed. "Hello!" she said to the group at large.

Howard recovered first. "_Enchanté, mademoiselle_," he said, with a little flourish and bow, to impress her. "Howard Wolowitz, Cal Tech Department of Applied Physics," he introduced himself. "You may be familiar with some of my work. It's currently orbiting Jupiter's largest moon, taking high-resolution digital photographs."

Behind Howard, Leonard sighed to himself. This was exactly what he feared—Howard was putting the moves on her. It wasn't likely to work, he reminded himself, but she could easily put her off by Howard's manner, ruining any chance of a relationship for Leonard.

She smiled at Howard. "Penny. I work at the Cheesecake Factory."

Leonard decided to break up this little singles meet. "Come on," he said to Penny. "I'll show you the trick with the shower." He and Penny walked toward the bathroom.

"_Bonne douce_," Howard called after her. Penny stopped and looked back at him. "I'm-I'm sorry?" she said. Did this guy just call her a douche? What the hell?

"It's French for 'good shower,'" Howard smiled. "It's a sentiment I can express in six languages."

_Including Klingon_, Leonard thought. "Save it for your blog, Howard," Leonard told him. He and Penny walked toward the bathroom.

"_See kai tong kwai chow_," Howard called after her, in mangled Chinese.

In the bathroom, Leonard fiddled with the valve that diverted water from the tub to the shower head until water began pouring from it. He stood, turning to Penny. "Alright, there it goes," he said. "It sticks, sometimes. I'm sorry."

"Thank you, Leonard," Penny said, smiling at him, though this time her smile seemed a little sad. "I can't tell you how much this means to me."

Leonard smiled back. "Glad to help," he said, wondering what she was thinking as she stood there smiling at him. Naked beneath her towel…

"I didn't want to say this in front of Sheldon or those other guys," Penny went on. "It's been a couple of days since I've had a shower, really." She looked a bit embarrassed. "I suppose you noticed."

"Um," Leonard gulped. "N-no, not really…" _I wonder why she hasn't had a shower in a couple of days,_ he thought to himself.

"It's because of my boyfriend," Penny said. _Okay, a boyfriend is _not_ what I wanted to hear about_, Leonard winced.

"My ex-boyfriend, really," she went on. "Kurt. We've been together for four year. _Four years_, and I find out a couple of days ago he's been cheating on me!" He face screwed up in pain and she began to cry.

"Um…" Leonard said. _Okay, so they're no longer together_, he exulted silently. But he needed to say something sympathetic. "Oh, I'm so sorry… so what happened?" he asked, grabbing a tissue off the back of the toilet and handing it to her.

"What happened," Penny sniffled, "was that when I confronted him about it, he said that if I didn't like it I could leave, so I said 'Fine, I _will_ leave!' and he said 'Fine!' And so I left. I went out and looked for an apartment, and a couple of days ago I found one here in this building, and I've been moving in for the past two days." She dabbed at her eyes, wiping the tears away. "I was really scared moving in," she continued. "I haven't lived alone since I came to California from Nebraska." She smiled at Leonard again. "It's nice I found a place with someone like you living next door."

"It _is_ nice," Leonard agreed. "I hope you'll be very happy here—"

Penny suddenly stepped forward and hugged him. Shocked, Leonard could hardly move, much less think what to do. He was about to hug her back when she stepped away. It had been a standard two-Mississippi hug, though her wearing only a towel had to count for _something_, Leonard reasoned.

"Thanks for being my friend, Leonard," she said. "And thanks for fixing the shower." She handed him the tissue, pulled back the curtain and stepped inside.

"You're welcome," Leonard said, before he realized what she was doing. "Oh, you're getting in—okay." He turned to beat a hasty retreat, still confused about the almost-naked hug. Damn, if only he'd grabbed his shampoo and conditioner before she saw them!

"Hey, Leonard," Penny said from inside the shower.

"The hair products are Sheldon's," Leonard blurted.

"O-okay," Penny said. Leonard though he heard a muffled giggle. The towel came flying over the shower curtain, landing on the floor. "Um, can I ask you a favor?"

"A favor?" Leonard repeated. What kind of favor could she want, in the context of her taking a shower? There were some intriguing possibilities… "Sure, you could ask me a favor," Leonard said quickly. "I would do you a favor for you."

"It's okay if you say no," Penny told him.

"Oh, I'll probably say yes," Leonard muttered.

"It's just not the kind of thing you ask a guy you just met," Penny said, tentatively.

Leonard pondered what kind of favor _that_ condition might entail. "Wow."

-=o=-

**A/N: Well, now that we've come this far, I suppose I should go ahead and finish this alternate first meeting episode. It should be up before too long.**


	3. Chapter 3

.

**Chapter Three**

First updated 1/19/2015

-=o=-

"I really appreciate the two of you helping me out like this," Penny said, from the back seat.

She, Sheldon and Leonard were in Leonard's car driving toward Kurt's apartment building on the other side of Pasadena. "I just think Kurt will be more reasonable if the two of you are there with me."

"I'm sure he will be," Leonard agreed. "After all, there are two of us and one of him."

Sheldon turned to look at Leonard. "By that logic we should have brought Koothrappali and Wolowitz as well."

"It'll be fine, Sheldon," Leonard told him. "You and I will be able to take care of the situation."

"I don't know what makes you think that, Leonard," Sheldon said. "You and I can hardly even carry a TV."

"Don't worry, I can help," Penny offered. "I'm pretty strong."

"I think we can manage, Penny," Leonard said, looking at her in the rear-view mirror. She was now dressed in a pink blouse and hip-hugger jeans, having gone back to her apartment to change before they left. Raj and Howard (mostly Howard) had wanted to come along as well, but Leonard had made the excuse that they should remain in the apartment in case he or Sheldon needed them to bring something to help them move the television. Howard had backed down that time but not before giving Penny compliments in Farsi, Arabic and Klingon.

"I really think we should examine the chain of causality here," Sheldon said, his tone dripping disapproval.

"The chain of what?" Penny asked, confused.

"Oh, I don't think we should do that," Leonard said, not wanting to get into it in front of Penny.

But Sheldon would not be dissuaded. "Event A: a beautiful young woman—"

"Oh, thank you,Sheldon!" Penny beamed at him.

"You're welcome—a beautiful young woman stands naked in our shower."

In the mirror, Leonard could see Penny's eyes widen in surprise. "What?" she squeaked. He winced, wishing he knew where Sheldon's OFF switch was.

"Event B: we drive halfway across town to retrieve a television set from the aforementioned woman's ex-boyfriend," Sheldon went on. "Query: in what universe is there even a semi-rational link between these events?"

"Sheldon, I thought you _wanted_ to help get my TV back," Penny said, looking unhappy.

"Oh, he does, he does!" Leonard said quickly, glancing back at her. "It's just that—Sheldon tends to overanalyze things," he explained.

Sheldon's head turned slowly to gaze at Leonard. "_I _overanalyze things? Such flattery will get you nowhere with me, sir." He turned to look back at Penny. "I don't understand why you couldn't go get your own TV."

"Because Kurt—" Penny stopped, looking upset. "Because even though I hate his lying, cheating guts, some part of me still loves him and wants to be with him!" She began to sniffle again. "Does that sound crazy?"

"Yes," Sheldon said.

"No," Leonard said. They both looked at one another. Leonard looked back at Penny. "It's a paradox, like the dual wave-particle nature of light."

"Huh?" Penny said, brushing tears out of her eyes.

"It's very simple," Sheldon said. "If a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed, it will not go through both slits, demonstrating it is a particle. If it's unobserved it will go through both slits, demonstrating it is a wave. However, if it's observed _after_ it's gone through the plane but _before_ it hits its target, it will not have gone through both slits."

"Huh?" Penny said again.

Sheldon looked back at Leonard. "I don't know which is worse—you thinking with your penis, or her not thinking at all."

"Sheldon!" Leonard snapped. It was way, way too early in this relationship to be throwing words like "penis" around. "Penny, I'm sorry—"

"Hold on!" Penny was pointing to an apartment building. "There it is," she said. "Just pull into that driveway there." Relieved that she hadn't been offended, Leonard drove into the parking lot of Penny's ex-boyfriend.

The three of them exited the car and walked up to the front entrance of the building. "He's in 406," Penny said, pointing to the row of buttons next to the glass doors. She turned to Leonard. "I think it will be better if you two go up to see him without me. I don't know if I can even look at him right now."

"O-okay," Leonard agreed. "Why don't you go wait for us in the car?" Penny nodded and headed back to the parking lot.

"Why did you let her leave?" Sheldon asked unhappily. "She could be the only thing preventing us from getting pantsed or wedgied."

"Come on, Sheldon," Leonard scoffed. "There's two of us and one of him."

"Making his victory over us all the greater!" Sheldon pointed out.

"Just let me do the talking," Leonard said. He located the button for 406 and pushed it.

"Yeah?" a guy's voice said over the intercom.

"Hi, I'm Leonard," Leonard said. "And Sheldon. We're—"

"Hello," Sheldon said, leaning toward the intercom. Leonard held up a hand signaling Sheldon to be quiet.

"We're here to pick up Penny's TV," Leonard continued. Now, since there were two of them, the guy should realize they meant business and let them in to get Penny's—

"Get lost," the guy said. The intercom clicked off.

"Okay, thanks for your time," Sheldon said, then turned to leave.

Leonard grabbed his arm, stopping him. "Hold on, we're not gonna give up just like that!"

Sheldon sighed. "Leonard, the TV is in the building," he pointed out. "We have been denied access to the building. If we cannot enter the building, we cannot retrieve the television set. Ergo, we are _done_."

"Excuse me," Leonard said sternly. "If I were to give up at the first little hitch, I never would have been able to identify the fingerprints of string theory in the aftermath of the Big Bang!"

Sheldon considered this. "My apologies," he offered. "So what's your plan to enter the building?"

Leonard turned and regarded the doors. He hadn't really thought things out that far yet. He walked over to them and tried to open one. It was locked, of course. He took hold of both doors and tried to pull them open. They wobbled but they refused to open. Leonard finally gave up, releasing the doors and turning to look at Sheldon, expecting him to say something snarky.

He did, of course. "It's just a _privilege_ to watch your mind at work."

Leonard sighed, exasperated. "Come on. We have a combined IQ of 360. We should be able to figure out how to get into a stupid building."

As Leonard was saying this two small girls in sashes carrying boxes of cookies walked up to the entrance. One girl ran her finger down the row of buttons, pushing them all. There was a buzzing sound and the two girls pushed the doors open, gaining entrance.

As Leonard stared, openmouthed, Sheldon said, "What do you think _their_ combined IQ is?"

"Just grab the door!" Leonard said, and the two of them rushed inside.

They made their way up to the fourth floor and found apartment 406. "This is it," Leonard said, knocking on the door. "I'll do the talking," he cautioned Sheldon.

"Good thinking," Sheldon retorted. "I'll just be the muscle."

The door opened and a huge humanoid figure stepped into the doorway. Leonard found himself looking up, up past the guy's rock-hard abs, his massive pecs and biceps, and into his square-jawed face. Leonard felt his stomach church with apprehension, but they were here now—they were going through with this no matter what!

The guy studied the two of them for a long moment, waiting for them to say something. "Yeah?" he finally asked, when they remained silent.

"I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon," Leonard introduced themselves.

"From the intercom," Sheldon amplified.

The guy looked perturbed. "How the _hell_ did you get in the building?"

Leonard's expression turned superior. "We're scientists," he said, as if that should be explanation enough.

The expression on the guy's face, however, was not one of a person impressed by that fact. He actually looked rather put out with them.

"Tell him about our IQ," Sheldon whispered.

The guy grunted and stepped into the hallway.

Several minutes later, Leonard and Sheldon walked out the front of the building, _sans_ pants. They began slowly walking toward the parking lot.

"Leonard," Sheldon said after a moment.

"What?" Leonard grunted.

"My mom bought me those pants."

"I'm sorry," Leonard said.

"You're going to have to call her," Sheldon admonished him.

At that moment Penny came running up to them, having seen them exit the building. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "What happened?!"

"Well, your ex-boyfriend sends his regards," Leonard said, morosely. "And I think the rest is fairly self-explanatory."

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Penny cried. "I really thought that if you two went up to talk to him he wouldn't be such an ass!"

"Well, it was a valid hypothesis," Leonard rationalized.

"A valid hypothesis?" Sheldon echoed. "What is happening to you?"

"Come on," Penny said angrily. "He can't do that to you!" She started marching toward the front doors.

"I don't think we want to give him another shot at us," Sheldon said. "I'm rapidly running out of pants for him to remove."

"We're going to get your pants back," Penny said determinedly. "And I'm going to tell him a thing or two about how he should treat people!"

"I don't think we can get back into the building," Leonard said.

"Don't worry, I have a key," Penny said, pulling it out of her jeans.

"She had a key?!" Sheldon said to Leonard. "Then why didn't she give it—" Leonard made a shushing gesture and Sheldon fell silent.

They followed a furious Penny up to the fourth floor where she banged angrily on 406. "Get lost," Kurt's voice came through the door. "Unless you want to end up buck naked in the street."

"Kurt!" Penny shouted. "Open this door NOW!"

The door opened and Kurt reappeared. When he saw Penny he actually smiled. "Hey babe," he said to her. "Decided to come back?" He glanced at Leonard and Sheldon behind her. "Is this your moving crew?"

"No, I'm not coming back, you jerk, and how dare you treat my friends that way?!" Penny demanded.

"Relax, babe, it was just a joke," Kurt said, shrugging.

"Well it's not funny!" Penny snapped. "Now you give them back their pants, _right now_, or you and I are going to have a major problem!"

"Fine," Kurt muttered, his smile disappearing. Leonard and Sheldon's pants sailed over Penny's head, falling across Sheldon's head and shoulders. "There. You happy now?"

"No!" Penny was still furious. "You know I paid for that TV, Kurt—are you going to give it to me or not?"

"Fine," Kurt said again. "You want it—hang on." He left the doorway, returning a minute later with a TV set in his hands. "Here," he said, handing it to Penny. "But you're just going to be carrying it back here when you come home, babe."

"Don't hold your breath," Penny snapped. "Come on, guys," she said to Leonard and Sheldon. She walked off toward the elevators, carrying the TV.

Leonard looked at Kurt. "Thanks for your cooperation," he said.

Kurt stared at him a moment, then slammed the door shut.

"Interesting fellow," Sheldon said. "I'm sure your father would say he's a rather fine example of _Homo neanderthalensis, _Leonard." Sheldon made a chuffing sound that was his unique form of laughter.

"Maybe," Leonard agreed. "At least we got our pants back."

"With Penny's help," Sheldon pointed out.

"Just come on," Leonard said, following Penny toward the elevators.

-=o=-

Returning to their own apartment building, Leonard and Sheldon followed Penny up the stairs to the fourth floor, carrying her television set. "I am really so, so sorry Kurt did that to you," Penny was saying. "He really is a nice guy most of the time—he just gets a little, well, crazy when we get into an argument."

"Well, it wasn't my first pantsing, and it won't be my last," Sheldon said.

"Well, I really appreciate your help," Penny said, watching as they negotiated the last few steps to the fourth floor. At the top of the steps they put the TV on the floor, panting with exhaustion.

"Listen," she said. "Thank you both so much for going with me." She gave Leonard and Sheldon each a hug, though Sheldon flinched as she embraced him. "Why don't you two get cleaned up and I'll take you out to dinner—on me. Oh, and Raj and Howard can come, too."

"Oh, great," Leonard said happily.

"Thank you," Sheldon said.

"Um, but what about the TV?" Leonard asked, pointing to it.

"Oh, I can handle it," she said. She reached down, picking it up, walked over to her door and unlocked it, then stepped inside.

Sheldon glanced at Leonard watching her. "You're not done with her, are you?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

Leonard smiled dreamily. "Our babies will be smart _and_ beautiful," he replied.

"Not to mention imaginary," Sheldon retorted.


End file.
